Abstinence: Is It Right For Me?

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  • Abstinence can mean different things to different people at different times.
  • It can mean:
    • No sexual touching at all.
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    • Some sexual touching but no oral, vaginal or anal sex.
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    • Any kind of physical contact except vaginal sex.
  • Make sure you and partner have the same definition of abstinence.
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  • Be clear and know your limits. This will help reduce the chance of misunderstanding.
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  • It will also make it easier to avoid situations that could make it difficult to stick to your decision.
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  • Being abstinent works better if you decide on it together.
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  • Talk about your reasons for waiting before you get into sexual situations with your partner.
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  • Discuss which sexual behaviors, if any, you are comfortable with.
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  • Identify any obstacles to abstinence, and plan ways together to overcome them.
  • Sexual behavior isn’t an all or nothing thing.
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  • Abstinence could include some intimate caresses.
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  • Or it might allow for everything except vaginal, oral or anal sex.
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  • Being abstinent doesn’t mean you stop being a sensual, sexual person.
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  • Penetration or oral sex are only two ways to express affection and sexuality.
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  • You might find that not having sex will make you appreciate your sexuality more fully.
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  • Choosing to be abstinent can give you the opportunity to explore other creative ways to express your sexuality and affection.
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  • Some reasons for waiting to have sex might include:
       
    • You want to wait until you’re married or in a serious, committed relationship.
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    • You want a strong relationship based on friendship and trust—without the confusion sex can add.
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    • Refraining from oral, anal and vaginal sex is the only 100% sure way to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV/AIDS.
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    • You want to experience other areas of your life before you have a sexual relationship.
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    • You’re too busy with your job, school, or sports to handle a sexual relationship.
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    • You can earn respect from others and from yourself for sticking with the decision that’s right for you.
  • Pressure from others can sometimes make it hard to stick to a decision to be abstinent.
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  • All of us to some degree receive pressure from others.
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  • But having sex because of what others want or think won’t strengthen a relationship, and it will only make you feel worse about yourself, not better.
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  • If you experience these types of pressures, it is important to know where the pressure is coming from and know what to do about it.
  • Self-esteem is the way you feel about yourself.
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  • If you have high self-esteem, you are more confident in yourself to make good decisions, and you expect others to respect your decisions.
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  • Having high self-esteem—trusting yourself and the way you feel—can help you:
       
    • Make a decision based on what’s right for you, not on what others think or do.
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    • Stick with your decision even under pressure from others.
  • If you’ve decided abstinence is the right choice for you, having a plan to deal with pressures can help you succeed.
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  • Make a commitment to yourself.
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  • Think about your reasons for deciding to be abstinent, and take time to feel good about the benefits.
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  • Know where pressures can come from.
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  • Plan how to deal with pressure.
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  • Celebrate your ability to make a choice and stick with it!